Lame jokes, bias coverage, and uninspired reports, and this only in the first five minutes. Airing on the television network The CW, tabloid video magazine TMZ might first sound like a television version of People Magazine, but this program falls short of even People’s meager standards.

Every night at ten o’clock, bored couch potatoes across the country are engorged in a non-stop moving slideshow of every celebrity who showed their face in public that day, and sometimes even celebrities who didn’t show their faces in public. And as exciting as it might be to see Dustin Hoffman get into an elevator, I can’t help but wonder if my time could have been better spent seeing Tara Reid bending over to pick up change for a parking meter. No-no wait, that was on after Dustin, and I still feel cheated.

The problem with TMZ isn’t really even the abysmal content of the program, rather the fault lies with the obnoxious and incredulous narrator that is enthralled with hateful comments toward each and every celebrity featured on the program, WITHOUT EXCEPTION. This relentless approach to celebrity journalism is an attempt to make the home viewer feel better about their own lives, knowing that the so-called celebrity Kevin Federline was booed at his own birthday party. See, didn’t that make you feel good?

It’s not just washed up B-list actors that TMZ unloads on; for some reason, Miley Cyrus is one of TMZ’s favorite celebrities to pick on. For practically one week straight, TMZ paparazzi followed around the star of Hanna Montana in an attempt to “catch” Miley saying or doing something wrong. But when Miss Cyrus failed to provide riveting footage, TMZ still featured her on their program and made whatever snide little comment they could to make her look bratty.

Viewers shouldn’t expect anything different than this cookie-cutter approach to the reporting of every last minor celebrity spotting that TMZ camera crews are able to record. With generally few interesting events happening in Hollywood from day to day, TMZ’s daily thirty minute program is a veritable pile of table scraps, mostly fatty gristle with the occasional fiber of meat. A weekly edition of TMZ would help to cut away some of the worthless dross that makes up most of the program. But even if this should occur, don’t expect anything other than mindless sensationalism lathered with abusive, unsophisticated commentary deplorably disguised as sarcasm.