Archive for Editorial

Teacher Forces 400 Students to Give Up Reading

// August 1st, 2007 // 4 Comments » // Editorial

At least, this is what the article by the United Kingdom’s Daily Mail would have you believe. Apparently a well-liked teacher at St John’s C of E School in Midsomer Norton, Somerset read a few passages from the end of the final Harry Potter book. These passages were selected by the teacher to be read to her graduating class because she felt the content pertained to her students graduating and moving on with their lives, much like the characters in the book. However some students did not see it this way.

A few students and parents are quoted as being upset by the spoiler, but the real amazement comes not from the fact that the teacher read the end of a popular book, but how Margaret Morrissey, of the National Confederation of Parent Teacher Associations reacted to the event. Morrissey said of the teacher that ”it was unforgivable. It’s one of the cruelest things she could have done, even if she didn’t mean it.” Funny, because I can think of hundreds of things more cruel than reading the end of a book to some children, one of which includes trying to ruin a respected teachers career for making a minor, if unimportant mistake.

Margaret Morrissey went on to say that “this act will probably stop all those children [from] reading the book.” Unfortunately for Miss Morrissey, this viewpoint is severely out of touch with reality. Now, few people would deny that reading the end of a book is impolite, but any true fan of the Harry Potter series won’t let a few minor spoilers stop them from reading all 607 pages (759 in the US) of the final installment of their beloved book series.

In light of this being a simple error in judgement, and absolutely no harm was done to these children mentally or physically, I believe it is Miss Morrissey who has done the real harm in this situation. Hopefully Margaret will apologize to the teacher, who I will not name, and the parents and students will go on with their lives instead of feeling like victims of a crime.

Sen. Barack Obama Forgives CNN on Behalf of all People with the Last Name Obama

// January 2nd, 2007 // 2 Comments » // Editorial

obama.jpgThe Associated Press reported today that a spokesman for Senator Barack Obama of Illinois has forgiven CNN for accidentally labeling a story about Osama bin Laden with the headline “Where’s Obama?”

Osama’s press secretary… I mean, Obama’s press secretary Tommy Vieto demonstrated his amazing observational ability when he went on to say “I’d note that the ‘s’ and ‘b’ keys aren’t all that close to each other…”

In a related story, Sen. Obama went on a killing spree and murdered everyone else on the planet with the last name of Obama. At least, I’m assuming he did, because otherwise how could he forgive CNN on behalf of all the Obamas?

CNN’s Wolf Blitzer said he would “be making a call to him (Obama… or maybe Osama?) this morning to offer [his] personal apology.” Blitzer has not yet commented on when he will be making his personal apology to the hundreds of other Obamas living in the United States and abroad.

An Open Letter to Instant Messenger Programmers

// November 1st, 2006 // 5 Comments » // Editorial

Dearest Instant Messenger Programmers,thumb_im.png

Let me first thank you for the time and effort you make in creating programs to allow people all around the world to avoid actually making real friends and communicate with others when they have laryngitis.

I do have one minor request, however. Could you please alter your programs to restrict the use of odd symbols and characters in usernames. You know, like $C@RE(R0W and /\d@m+d%m. Now I realize that people are idiots and cannot help thinking they are clever and unique when they use wacky symbols in their name, so I’m holding you programmers responsible. You should know better. So please, correct this error so our buddy lists can once again look like a list of friends and not a pile of paper snowflakes.

Sincerely,

Thew Varpness