Varpness.com » Author’s Works

Quote of the Week

Thew — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 01:28:17 +0000

“A well-written book is like a piece of cheese… that has a story written on it.”

Read this quote and more on the Quotes From Me That Should Be Famous page!

Quote of the Week

Thew — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 11:33:36 +0000

“If someone from the Secret Service ever approaches you and asks you to kill the president, don’t do it! It’s a trap!”

Read this quote and more on the Quotes From Me That Should Be Famous page!

One Full Month!

Thew — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 04:59:45 +0000

I am proud to announce that the “Quote of the Week” feature has now lasted for one full month! Congratulations me! And they said it shouldn’t be done.

Quote of the Week

Thew — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 11:33:39 +0000

“If you ever see a triceratops on roller skates coming at you, get out of the way! They aren’t very good at stopping. Also, you probably travelled back in time, which means you only have 48 hours until your cells split apart. Soooo, triceratop rides anyone?”

Read this quote and more on the Quotes From Me That Should Be Famous page!

Quote of the Week

Thew — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 04:51:07 +0000

“If you ever forget to shave for a week and someone asks you if your cat died, remind them that you use a razor to shave, not a cat.”

Read this quote and more on the Quotes From Me That Should Be Famous page!

Quote of the Week

Thew — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 03:57:47 +0000

“Whoever said, ‘There is more than one way to skin a cat’ was a twisted sicko! What are they doing skinning cats anyway? It’s much easier to skin a puppy.”

Read this quote and more on the Quotes From Me That Should Be Famous page!

Quote of the Week

Thew — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 14:00:36 +0000

“Did you ever notice how when you give yourself a paper cut on purpose, and then you squeeze a little lemon juice on the cut, it hurts really bad? Yeah, why do we do that to ourselves?”

Read this quote and more on the Quotes From Me That Should Be Famous page!

Quote of the Week

Thew — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 06:45:25 +0000

Welcome to a new feature I like to call, Quote of the Week. Every week I will post a new famous quote by yours fakely. Every quote will be a stroke of pure genius. Oh, and fret not, if you don’t understand the quote or you don’t think it’s very clever or funny, it just means your primitive brain couldn’t grasp the magnanimity of my quote. It’s okay, it happens to the best of us with the exception of myself.

And with only one more adieu, here is this week’s Quote of the Week. Adieu!

“Give a man a fish, and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he eats for a lifetime. Turn a man into a fish, and he becomes the center of a nationwide missing person search, of which you are the primary suspect.”

Read this quote and more on the Quotes From Me That Should Be Famous page!

Whimsical Box? Friend or Foe?

Thew — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 23:45:30 +0000

“What a lovely purple shaded whimsical box,” you might be thinking to yourself. But you’d be WRONG! Or, you might be right! There’s only one way to know for certain: read Thew A.W. Varpness’ unpublished, untitled book (publishing date to be revealed later). Is this whimsical box a helpful friend, or a device created to destroy mankind? I won’t tell you which, but I will give you one small clue; it’s not a device created to destroy mankind.

Find out about this whimsical box, and more, when you read the book!